Monday, April 16, 2012

Time.....


Abbie is getting pretty good at taking pictures....:)
Its fun to see some of the things she comes up with.......proud mother right here!
Creativity needs to be released.
It's therapy.
It's healing and its building!
Abbie has a strong talent in ART.
She draws all over her body, paper, or anything else that's legal...:)
At first I fought it.
But now.......I let her create the way she feels....
{within reason obviously}
She is very expressive with her style and her music.
These teenagers now-a-days, trying to find their place, Their Niche, Their way!
So much harder things to deal with than when I was 15.
Even basic communication is almost sad.....
But have to admit, I get caught up in it too. 
 It's how we survive right now.
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My phone acts up and I could have a seizure at any moment....  :)
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Well, I'm not a very open person.
I share with people I trust and who I know love me.
I tend to stay in my own little bubble i have found myself very comfortable in.
It's obvious I've been recently divorced.
 Just typing those words on my blog made me take a DEEP breath!
As I haven't YET come out and said it on here!
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Its been about a year now.
Been in ALOT of different areas, felt a lot of different feelings and learned mountains of information.
Some days are rainbows and skittles.
And some days are poo and stinky feet and buckets of tears!
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I  learned to take it hour by hour in the beginning.
 Now I can take it day by day and week by week.
My patience is changing.
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Mike and I are best friends.
We have chosen to love and support each other.
Kids come first and feel very fortunate to have it this way.
He is my very best friend! 
We are just not married!
We have chosen to move above and beyond reasons why.
and focus WHOLE heartedly on Jackson and Charlee.
We make a great team!
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I've been so busy lately and blogging and journaling have had to play on the back burner.  :(
Journaling is my therapy.
My escape.
My free time to release.
Writing it out on paper or typing what comes to my head heals me.
And when I do so, I can go about my day....
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I have so many feelings running through my head.
Like Brother Uchtdorf's talk at conference.
"Don't judge me because I sin differently then you"
to
Online dating
to
settling
to
being lonely and being content with that.
to
dating DORKS
to
dating men who only want your body
to
dating men with different goals and outlooks on life
to
dating and being a good example to my teenage daughters
{I haven't done my best at this, last summer was rough. I am doing better in this area now.....took me a minute to grasp}
I could go ON and ON.....
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But, to put it as nicely as I can.....
Dating suck major ass.....:)
{sorry mom and dad..lol}
But it does.
It's hard.
and your heart is tender
and your emotions are high
and its so HARD to trust someones intentions!
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Dating isn't my number one priority anymore.
I have let it fall down a few notches on my priority list.
that ALSO took me a minute to grasp.
That it is OK to be alone.
:)
Providing for my family with photography and spending time with them has made it to the top of my list.
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I feel extremely lucky given where I have been the last two years to be where I am today.
That opportunities still arise.
 Doors still remain open.
and I still have many choices and decisions I can make.
 Even tho I am alone.
I don't have to MAKE them alone!
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There are still things I would like to change.
But can't.
This is the trickiest part I think to grasp!!
and I am still learning this part......
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Learning to let it go.
Take a DEEP breath and move on to things I can control!
Things will eventually fall back in place.
I believe that!
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It's hope.
Fall down seven.........stand up eight!  :)
I refuse to sink!


7 comments:

wyatt_aspen said...

I think you are an amazing woman and I am glad that I was able to meet you through your journey. You are truly one of the most unique people I have met.

Just Mom and Me said...

Oh Annie... I have been there done that. So glad you and Mike are friends.. both great people! Online dating- oh boy.. I have stories.. remember I have been single almost a decade now, you may call me a pro ;)
Chin up.. you are figuring it all out....sooner then I do ;)

Alan, Amber, Emma, and Zachary said...

I LOVED that talk by president Uchtdorf!!! I love you Annie!! You are amazing! Life is hard & as I've watched you I've been impressed!!! You are strong, you do know people love you, you are amazingly talented & I love the way you love life!!! You inspire me!!! Just keep standing up ... That's all we can do! :)

Momma and Kennedy said...

Very Very nicely put. Its such a hard road and no one understands if they havent been down it. Stay strong!!

Megan said...

I think it is great that you and Mike will work together, as a team. When my parents divorced, they didn't make it worse by putting us kids in the middle. In fact, they are around eachother all the time now, here at my house with us all. So glad they put aside their differences and are friends. Love ya, Annie!

Jami said...

I just love you!!!!!

Pieces of Us said...

You are awesome Annie. I always get so much from your posts. Love ya!