Monday, April 30, 2012

Thru her eyes and mine.....

Our Family Thru Charlee's eyes!
{from left to right}
Jax, Charlee, Abbie, Me, Autumn
I love how we are all holding hands.
.
She is drawing so MUCH lately.
And then uses half the tape to tape them randomly all over the house.
This one was taped next to Abbie's paper mural she is doing in her room!
Charlee wanted to  include her own art!








Woke up, overwhelmed this morning!!
Some mornings I wake up and take on the world.
 Push through with a happy heart.
.
.
This morning........
Its heavy.
A little tired.
A little worried.
A little sad.
A little lonely.
A little thankful.
And and little vulnerable.
.
.

My mothers Quote she sent out this morning to everyone was:
"Do what you can with what you have, where you are"
~ Theodore Roosevelt
.
.
Hit me.

I wish some people were more open minded.
And think peoples intentions aren't ALWAYS to hurt them.
There is good in the world ya know.....
And I wish some people understood that doing nothing at times, sometimes means they don't know WHAT to do.
So they sit.  
But it doesn't mean their heart is a rotten heart.
It purely means they are confused and scared but still wanting.
.
I know that SO doesn't make sense to you....
but it does in my mind, and it feels good to let that out!
.
I wish I could clone myself.
.
I wish I could hire a cook!
A maid maybe?
even a taxi driver........
Secretary?
.
.
Jax is home.....
and with pressure of getting deadlines done today among other motherly responsibilities I need to find time to tend to his needs today.
.
I wish there was other ways around figuring out how to juggle a circus with one hand..
.
.
I know exactly what I want.
and being patient isn't always my best quality!
But my patience % level goes up every month....lol
I Think I'm grasping it.....
.
.
Find a balance with:

Paying your bills.
vs.
Making sure your kids are succeeding in school.
vs.
Keeping up the house and making it a safe loving home.
vs.
Building your kids to know they are beautiful.
vs.
Taking care of my OWN needs....
To make sure I get what I need so I can carry out each day.
Do what feeds me & feeds my bucket so I can do the same for my kids!
.
.
I can only do so much!
I only have two arms and two legs!
and one heart!
.
I beat myself up........I know my potential and I don't push to that limit sometimes.
And that's ok!
I have to keep telling myself that its ok!
I can't be 100% everyday.
HELL---I can't be 83% everyday....sometimes its only half!
and half % is better then NO %------
.

My heart was opened yesterday.....
I felt some good things.
Happy things.
And scary things.
Cried some tears.
and laughed til my tummy hurt.
.
.
So now what........?
I guess I will wait and see.......


COLOR run.....


We ran a color run {fundraiser}
A 33 year old mother!
Her 3rd time being sick.  :(
What a good cause and what a good turnout!!
.
.
My shoes are now muddy and PINK!
but worth it...:)

Friday, April 27, 2012

Barbie in a box!! :)

New memories----new beginnings!!
.
I couldn't afford that DANG durango anymore!
So I got something I could afford.
HOLY HANNA!
I just might be able to go places.....
  Just maybe!
Thank you to EVERYONE who helped me.
:)




I feel like a barbie in a box!!
lol
And abbie Thinks she owns it.
Pfffft....ya right!  Scooot your fanny over Missy!!!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Mr T........{Go 2012!!!}

Go Treav!!! :)
Proud of you BUD!


Orchard!!!



Mini's Tomorrow and Sat!!!....:)
Can't wait!
I do have a few spots left-----Contact me Via Email or Facebook!!
Everything is sooooo green!!!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Things that make my clock tick...........

Dear Charlee,
Hey, I have an Idea!
Why don't you sleep in your OWN bed.
That's a great idea!
I bet you won't need to have a nap at 9:00 in the morning on the couch watching cartoons if you did.
Maybe you should listen to your SMART MOMMY once in a while.
Try it
You might like it!
Love, mom.


 

OK----
So, I had someone ask me last night.
"WHAT, makes Annie's clock tick"
???
And I couldn't stop telling.......it kept flowing.......oooooseing.......
So-----I'm gunna share some of Annie's favorite things that make ME.
All me!
Cuz sometimes it has to be about ME...right?
Well, yes....yes it does!
Its actually good to think about them.....somethings you don't even realize you love something so much.
And should have them in your everyday.....they make you happy after all....right?
So include them MORE!!!
:)
.
LIKE:
Water
 Smell of Suntan lotion
Swimming




POOL DAYS!
Watching my kids giggle
Jackson's teeth
polka dots
Gum
Socks!
Shoes!
foooofy headbands!






UNEXPECTED surprises
Like These ones I found my my wash yesterday!
REMINDS ME.........my kids have been here.
{Muppets bandaid, Harry potter lego guy, earrings BOTH PAIR EVEN, hello kitty braclet without a face, and 26 cents!}
going out to lunch!
Sushi
Dt. Coke
Gummy worms and peach circles
Popcorn
Cuddling
Kissing
A good movie!
Yummy Lotion and glitter!
PINK SHEETS!


Charlee's little things....
I love seeing them all over! :)
Butterflies in my tummy.
The smell of BBQ grilling
The sound of someone mowing the lawn



Jax's Little things.....
This is ONE FUNNY FUNNY KID!
Jackson's laugh!
his excitement for life!
Fingernail polish
A cute purse.
LACE
Victoria's Secret.
Smiling.
My own style, and to wear what I want.
Abbie's Airheady-ness and sweetheart.
Autumn's beautiful smile.





My name...
I love my name......Always have.
Thanks mom.  :)
.
.
.
Things girly.
Things that are PINK!

.

Photography.
My camera!
Editing them.
Capturing the PERFECT picture on accident!
.
.
.
Flowers
Spring.
New beginnings.......





MY NEST
MY HOME
MY OWN SPACE
MY CREATION!
.
.
And the power is ALL mine what I let in......

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Her...

I love her.
Mornings like this are sweet tender reminders why I work so hard to be able to stay home with her.
Mickey Mouse Club house playing in the back ground and her humming along, distracted by colored shaped blocks.
She is overjoyed when she matches the right colors or builds them just perfectly so.
So content with so little!
.
.
The things we can learn from 4 year olds.......

Monday, April 23, 2012

Skin might fall off and diarrhea on the brain....great COMBO!




This is what We did most of the day yesterday!
Drinks, Snacks, sun, arm floaties & Music.
Something about the water and the smell of Sun tan oil.............Right?
Makes me so excited for summer!
And being so close to Bear lake now, I know we will be spending MANY days up there!
This is, if I can sell everything I own to fill up my damn Durango.
Good laws, almost $90.
Our pool might end up being the High lite of the summer.....lol!
That or I can become a stripper!
{HA, ....scare ya mom?}
We kept sunscreen on but seemed to still walk away little crispy critters.
Better enjoy before the yucky-ness {or wonderful-ness} comes in a few days!
:)
.
.
.
Lots or random-ness going on at the Wests:
Like last night I should have just woke up and made spaceships out of all the lego's I slept on in my bed.   Jackson sure marks his territory.
.
Thinking Jax almost needed stitches yesterday as he ran into a corner wall.....
BUT he didn't and I got laughed at.
  It wasn't as bad as I thought it was......
pfft!.......lol
.
I will be buying some spray suntan lotion for Charlee.......The roll on stick kind didn't cut it.
It looks like a 3 year old lathered her up.  Its like connect the dots on her back......:)
.
.
Telling Abbie I will shave her head at night if she keeps spreading her long black hair on the shower walls.  It looks like we have black cats in the shower....lol
I posted that on her FB, she didn't think it was funny.......hahaha!
But I did.  :)
.
.
And another thing.......
I am the WORST at grammar and spelling.
Probably noticed?
FIRST TO ADMIT.
Not my strong point......
In fact I bearly past English!
My English teacher {Mr. White} would always tell me:
"Annie Walker, bearly is NOT a word"
 I would respond:
"Mr. White, SURE it is.....in my world"
lol
Its all about expressing yourself, doesn't always have to be correct grammar.
That's boring......:)
My mind goes faster then my fingers type.
.
.
.
I had a conversation with a photographer friend of mine over the weekend.
I am part of a Group, we lean on each other for critiquing, advice, locations, and sometimes just general life discussions.
{remember the creating a net around you?}
Well Ive been part of this group going on 4 years now......
Have created some good friends, most of which I haven't ever seen in person!
.
.
One fellow just recently has been thrown out into the "Divorce" category.
{thrown out to the sharks as I say.....mean people suck}
And as we ALL know.......It isn't a fun category to be in.
Whether its a good move or not.
Its HARD and it hurts and you tend to LOSE yourself and who you are!
 It takes a HELLA time figuring out where you belong again.
No matter the situation!
I have noticed something about me just recently......
I am so much more tolerant of others retarded-ness.
As I have {and maybe still am} been retarded.
The brain is a powerful thing!
I am much more understanding and not so quick to judge someones heartache, Temporary behavior or decisions!
Just being in contact with others in similar situations and having two teenage daughters.
WE ALL THINK, HEAL, LEARN AND CHOOSE DIFFERENT SHOES TO WALK IN!!!

.
.
SO I have some advice to give.....take it for what it is worth.
lol
Its MY blog, and I can cry if i want to...RIGHT?
But I feel I could write a book with all this bullshit I have been through{or put myself though}.....
I don't have all the answers and what works for me WON'T always work for you!
And I'm still in it.....still learning!
I love all the emails I get with people who can relate.....sometimes its just KNOWING you feel exactly what you SHOULD feel.  And hurt EXACTLY like you should hurt!!!
Its DUMB and faggy......but its reality!
.
The process hurts!
  Like your heart literally HURTS. Broken heart is a real deal!
I hated this saying that people would always tell me: 
"It just takes time"...  HATED IT!
  I wanted to feel good NOW!  Not next week, Not next month, Not next year!  Now!
  But I will tell you this.......its very true. :(
It's time!
What you feel today, ISN'T what you will feel next week, or next month or in a YEAR from now.
   I look back to last summer, I was a different person. I was in a dark, helpless, sad, lonely place......{alot to which I put myself there} but I am in a much better place today!
  A very happy hopeful place.....
And it takes work.  MY work....not anyone else's!!
Ready to Date and put myself out there again in a healthy manner!  {did I really just say that?}
Do you keep a journal? 
To write down your UGLY days. HAPPY days & I wanna run away and never come back days?
If you don't.....START TODAY!!!!!
Don't hold back your feelings, let them out. 
 Even is they are shameful, hurtful and embarrassing!
DO IT!
  Are you seeing a councilor?
  Best thing I ever did!!!!
One that gives you WEEKLY homework.....see him weekly!!! 
.
Are you sleeping?  If not, get on something to help you!
To heal, you NEED SLEEP!
I am proud to say I am medication FREE....I take nothing.
Just my Dt. Coke and running gets my blood flowing!
EXERCISE!
Best therapy you will ever get!
Push your sad little butt out of BED and out the DOOR and do it!!!
.
One last thing......{don't roll your eyes}
SERVE OTHERS!
You have bearly anything left to serve yourself why would you go and serve your neighbor?
DO IT-----and then see how it works for you!!!
:)
You will be glad you did.
Teeny goals......little things....You don't need to go and FEED AFRICA!
lol
.
I will End with........
I am WORTH IT!
The world can't HURT ME!
I am ENOUGH!
AND I will fight!
.
.
.
And now, I just stepped down from my super soapy soap box!
The end!
Off to go do laundry and stinky dishes and scrub toilets, cuz life DOES go on!





Life as a senior----

What a DOLL!!!!
This Senior was so soft spoken and so sweet...
Besides getting "booted" after our session was finished, It was a PERFECT evening!
:)



Sunday, April 22, 2012

Dear Cache County Booting Company,
You have nothing better to do with your time? I didn't think so!
 Enjoy My $75!
Ps.....Your boots are Ugly! Try Using Pink ones next time...........Pffft!



Poor Thing...
She has been SO scared of "Honey bees" she says.
Especially lately.
and of course she gets stung....:(
Cried herself to sleep!
I think i have kissed it at least 28 times..lol
I


Love her Outfits she puts together....she makes me LAUGH!!!
I think I'm gunna start posting what she chooses everyday!
I LOVE IT!!
.
.
.
Happy Sunday!
I have so much to say today.....stay tuned for Diarrhea of the brain...
:)

L.O.V.E

Oooh, they were so in LOVE! :)
.
.
.
.
.
Last night was so fun with this couple.
First of all, I couldn't keep em off each other....lol
Oh, la la.....
Second, they were both so relaxed and it just came natural for them.
.
The way he looked at her, made me blush.
They were so adorable!

Laughing pants on......

video
This is what happens when Charlee and I can't sleep.....
:)
LOL!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Keep going.......even if its only to the Dentist!!


Ugh........
Thats all I have to say.       Is Ugh....
What a day!
And it's only NOON!
.
.
Up super early to be ready for the dentist.
Make sure the place is picked up for Inspections.
We end up walking out the door late. boo!
:/
Didn't type in the right address in my GPS so we went to the wrong place.
Even more late!
Boo, again!
.
Needless to say,
Other shananigains happened and I ended up in tears.
And didn't end up getting the kids to school.
WHAT. A. DAY!
.
.
.
I hate dumb days!
When you have the little whisper in the back of your mind saying: "You can't do it anymore"
"Its too hard"
"Give up"
.
Then you have an ever bigger whisper that takes over that says:
"Your strong enough Annie"
"Push Through"
"Don't give up"
.
.
Ok!-----you talked me into it, I won't give uuup. 
gees.
pfffft...
Totally rolled my eyes!




.
.
There are so much other JOYS that fill me!  :)
Like my kids, and the silly things they say.
Or when Picture Line boxes come to my door.
Or bubble baths with yummy soap!
Or new flip flops.
Or SONIC DRINKS!
or
Music that makes you fist pump in the car.
or
Lip gloss
Getting into bed with fresh clean PINK sheets!
Butterflies in your tummy.
Or when you get a hug from someone who loves you.
LIKE really loves YOU!
or
When you see your child succeed.
or when they laugh.....like really really pee your pants kind of laugh!
or
when you see they have something you wanna buy in PINK.
I love having the option to purchase something in pink.
Life should be THAT simple......