Monday, April 23, 2012

Skin might fall off and diarrhea on the brain....great COMBO!

This is what We did most of the day yesterday!
Drinks, Snacks, sun, arm floaties & Music.
Something about the water and the smell of Sun tan oil.............Right?
Makes me so excited for summer!
And being so close to Bear lake now, I know we will be spending MANY days up there!
This is, if I can sell everything I own to fill up my damn Durango.
Good laws, almost $90.
Our pool might end up being the High lite of the!
That or I can become a stripper!
{HA, ....scare ya mom?}
We kept sunscreen on but seemed to still walk away little crispy critters.
Better enjoy before the yucky-ness {or wonderful-ness} comes in a few days!
Lots or random-ness going on at the Wests:
Like last night I should have just woke up and made spaceships out of all the lego's I slept on in my bed.   Jackson sure marks his territory.
Thinking Jax almost needed stitches yesterday as he ran into a corner wall.....
BUT he didn't and I got laughed at.
  It wasn't as bad as I thought it was......
I will be buying some spray suntan lotion for Charlee.......The roll on stick kind didn't cut it.
It looks like a 3 year old lathered her up.  Its like connect the dots on her back......:)
Telling Abbie I will shave her head at night if she keeps spreading her long black hair on the shower walls.  It looks like we have black cats in the
I posted that on her FB, she didn't think it was funny.......hahaha!
But I did.  :)
And another thing.......
I am the WORST at grammar and spelling.
Probably noticed?
Not my strong point......
In fact I bearly past English!
My English teacher {Mr. White} would always tell me:
"Annie Walker, bearly is NOT a word"
 I would respond:
"Mr. White, SURE it my world"
Its all about expressing yourself, doesn't always have to be correct grammar.
That's boring......:)
My mind goes faster then my fingers type.
I had a conversation with a photographer friend of mine over the weekend.
I am part of a Group, we lean on each other for critiquing, advice, locations, and sometimes just general life discussions.
{remember the creating a net around you?}
Well Ive been part of this group going on 4 years now......
Have created some good friends, most of which I haven't ever seen in person!
One fellow just recently has been thrown out into the "Divorce" category.
{thrown out to the sharks as I say.....mean people suck}
And as we ALL know.......It isn't a fun category to be in.
Whether its a good move or not.
Its HARD and it hurts and you tend to LOSE yourself and who you are!
 It takes a HELLA time figuring out where you belong again.
No matter the situation!
I have noticed something about me just recently......
I am so much more tolerant of others retarded-ness.
As I have {and maybe still am} been retarded.
The brain is a powerful thing!
I am much more understanding and not so quick to judge someones heartache, Temporary behavior or decisions!
Just being in contact with others in similar situations and having two teenage daughters.

SO I have some advice to give.....take it for what it is worth.
Its MY blog, and I can cry if i want to...RIGHT?
But I feel I could write a book with all this bullshit I have been through{or put myself though}.....
I don't have all the answers and what works for me WON'T always work for you!
And I'm still in it.....still learning!
I love all the emails I get with people who can relate.....sometimes its just KNOWING you feel exactly what you SHOULD feel.  And hurt EXACTLY like you should hurt!!!
Its DUMB and faggy......but its reality!
The process hurts!
  Like your heart literally HURTS. Broken heart is a real deal!
I hated this saying that people would always tell me: 
"It just takes time"...  HATED IT!
  I wanted to feel good NOW!  Not next week, Not next month, Not next year!  Now!
  But I will tell you this.......its very true. :(
It's time!
What you feel today, ISN'T what you will feel next week, or next month or in a YEAR from now.
   I look back to last summer, I was a different person. I was in a dark, helpless, sad, lonely place......{alot to which I put myself there} but I am in a much better place today!
  A very happy hopeful place.....
And it takes work.  MY work....not anyone else's!!
Ready to Date and put myself out there again in a healthy manner!  {did I really just say that?}
Do you keep a journal? 
To write down your UGLY days. HAPPY days & I wanna run away and never come back days?
If you don't.....START TODAY!!!!!
Don't hold back your feelings, let them out. 
 Even is they are shameful, hurtful and embarrassing!
  Are you seeing a councilor?
  Best thing I ever did!!!!
One that gives you WEEKLY homework.....see him weekly!!! 
Are you sleeping?  If not, get on something to help you!
To heal, you NEED SLEEP!
I am proud to say I am medication FREE....I take nothing.
Just my Dt. Coke and running gets my blood flowing!
Best therapy you will ever get!
Push your sad little butt out of BED and out the DOOR and do it!!!
One last thing......{don't roll your eyes}
You have bearly anything left to serve yourself why would you go and serve your neighbor?
DO IT-----and then see how it works for you!!!
You will be glad you did.
Teeny goals......little things....You don't need to go and FEED AFRICA!
I will End with........
The world can't HURT ME!
AND I will fight!
And now, I just stepped down from my super soapy soap box!
The end!
Off to go do laundry and stinky dishes and scrub toilets, cuz life DOES go on!

1 comment:

Just a bed of roses said...

You stood on that soap box pretty darn steady and didn't fall off!

Here are lots of hugs to you, now, forever and always!

2nd commandment: love thy neighbor as thyself.
Don't overlook the word THYSELF and it's not selfish either!